Denial

Forgive me, Blogger, for I have sinned. It has been three months since my last post. The idea was to write every few days, right? Yeah, I remember that part of this deal. I just forgot where I left my energy, not to mention my motivation and inspiration. Maybe if I just type a bunch of nonsense some of it will start to come back to me. Let's see, shall we?

Well, when I last left off, it was only Spring Break and I had a mountain of papers to grade. It should come as no surprise that none of them were ever graded. That's right, I am officially a rotten teacher. I couldn't stand to read "research" papers that were written in seven minutes or less, contained no quotes, no citations, and no works cited pages, so I devised an "alternative" grade for that assignment. I can't say what it was since I do feel pretty bad about it, and I don't need that information living forever on the nets. I did have a handful of students who really tried, and it wasn't fair to them that I didn't give their papers the attention they deserved. But I wrote really nice things about those students in their yearbooks, so that evened things out, didn't it? Didn't it? At least I learned what not to do this year. Yes, this year's students will have the benefit of my hindsight and my desire to do better. They will have their papers graded. And the students the following year will have their papers graded in a timely manner. Baby steps. I am still a new teacher; therefore, I am allowing myself these mistakes and learning curves. Actual learning and test scores be damned.

This year will be different in many ways. I am thrilled to say that I will no longer be in Dante's third ring of hell, also known as middle school. I have a new job for the new year - at the high school where I did my student teaching. 10 minutes from home instead of one hour. 9th and 10th graders instead of 8th graders. Hall duty once a semester instead of every day. Lunches in the lounge with other teachers or at my desk instead of the lunchroom with the students. Two week-long breaks each semester instead of one. End of day at 3:30 instead of 4:30. 10 minutes from home instead of one hour - did I say that one already? Too bad, it bears repeating - 10 minutes from home instead of one hour!!! I will be able to take Monkey to school and pick him up this year. I will be able to sign him up for an activity and not rush back to his school, breaking the speed limit across two counties the entire way, only to get him to said activity 10 minutes late. I will be able to get home before dark this winter. I will be able to get home before 10:00 PM on PTA nights. I will be able to make more money since this county pays better than the other one. I will be so much happier and so much less stressed out. I will be forever grateful to the new principal who gave me the job on the spot and made me feel so appreciated and respected during the interview. I will be working my butt off during pre-planning to prepare for this year, since I have done absolutely nothing this summer that was even remotely related to school.

Which leads me to the title of this post. Pre-planning begins in two days, and the kids return in one week. WTF happened to summer?!?! I haven't even moved my school crap from the dining room down to the basement yet. I just barely got it out of the car! It can't be time to get it all out again. I have one week to organize papers, plans, books, and transparencies that it took me a year and a half to accumulate? I was supposed to get to read books! (Junky books, too, not teaching books.) I was supposed to take Monkey to the zoo! (Ha! Made myself laugh at that one.) I was supposed to take him to the library! I was supposed to spend lazy days at the pool! I was supposed to get lots of sleep! I want my summer back!

Not only am I in denial about the fact that school starts in one week and I have done nothing to prepare for it, I am absolutely not ready to accept the fact that Monkey will be in the first grade this year. How can he be six? I just took him to his first day of pre-school a few minutes ago. A minute before that, he was learning to toddle on his own two little bitty feet. A second before that, I was able to hold him in one arm. Now he's picking out a bookbag and can't decide between Spiderman, Superman, or Wolverine. He's nervous about going to his new school, with new kids, new teachers, new routines. He's worried about bullies. I wish I knew how to reassure him. I wish I could go there with him to help him find a friend. (My first day of kindergarten my mom took me to the classroom, pointed out a girl she said looked nice, and encouraged me to go talk to her. I didn't know then that she knew who the girl was because her grandfather worked at the post office and told my mom that his granddaughter would be in my class when school started. Fast forward thirty years. We're still best friends. I want Monkey to have a friend like that.) I wish I knew how it would all turn out for him, so that when I promise him it will be okay and he will make friends, I could say it with more conviction.

Anyway, the denial is proving pointless because the June 24th is coming whether I like it or not. Like it or not, I have to organize my school stuff. Like it or not, I have to figure out what I want the kids to do the first few weeks. Like it or not, I have to do weeks' worth of laundry in two days. Like it or not, I have to let my baby grow up. Like it or not, I have to face reality.

I'm going to go take a nap.