I Teach, Therefore, I Procrastinate

Hello, Blogger, my old friend. I suppose you deserve some sort of explanation for my absence. I haven't written partly because I have been really busy with school. Partly because I have been really tired lately. Mostly because I just didn't know what to say. I read a lot of excellent blogs on a regular basis, most of which are listed in the nifty sidebar on the right. And I've often felt like there's no reason for me to write when I can't possibly turn a phrase or paint a picture the way so many others can. I am moved and impressed on a daily basis by these people, and I feel like I have no business taking up space on the same blogosphere.

Then again, the world (and the internet) needs all kinds in order to go 'round, right? So what if I'll never make people laugh about my troubles and understand the beauty of my family the way Magazine Man does? So what if I'll never make other geeks proud to call me one of their own the way Wil Wheaton does? So what if I'll never illuminate the small moments of life so eloquently the way Waiter does? I have my own voice, and even if no one ever hears it, it's still important for me to speak. After all, what kind of teacher would I be if I didn't practice what I preach? I tell my students that their work doesn't have to be the best or perfect or monumental. They just have to do their best and make the effort. So I'm going to make the effort to write more.

And I decided to start now.

At 1:00 A.M.

Because I have other things to do.

Yes, I am writing again because it's one of my favorite ways to procrastinate. I've looked through all the Rick Springfield websites I could find, checked in with all the blogs I love, cleaned the house as much as I'm going to, and updated my MP3 player. I have nothing left to do but grade papers. So naturally I'm blogging instead. I've had the past two weeks off, even though last week doesn't count because of the holidays. (It's not really time off if you're cleaning the house, preparing for relatives to visit, taking care of a sick child and husband, getting Christmas dinner ready, recuperating from cleaning, cooking, and visiting, etc.) I have about 100 essays, 80 research papers, and 80 journal collections to score. And it's entirely possible (read: probable) that I'm forgetting something else I need to grade. Grades are due in about 36 hours or so. I've graded 11 of the essays. Thankfully, one was really easy since the kid wrote nothing more than his name on the paper.

I promised myself that I was going to start grading on Wednesday. It's now Saturday night. Make that Sunday morning. I don't really know why I do this to myself. I tell myself that I work better under pressure, but I really don't think it's true. That's kind of like those idiots who say they drive better when they're drunk because they're concentrating more in order to avoid impending incarceration. Or death. I feel like I'll be facing the firing squad soon enough. The pressure in this job is more than I anticipated. Things have changed since I student taught here, and Big Brother has moved into the front office. But it really isn't the pressure that makes me do this. I did this even when I was a student. I've always put off until next week what I should have done last. I'm just lazy that way.

The one thing that makes me feel better about it is that I'm never alone. A surprising number of teachers have a tendency to put off grading papers. Especially English teachers. Grading essays isn't like grading math papers that have a clear right or wrong answer. It takes a long time to read, correct, and comment on all that chicken scratch. (And, no, I'm not saying that math teachers have it easy - we all have a tough job. I'm just making a point about the kinds of papers that we have to deal with.) Whenever we have a school break, there are always teachers who return afterwards bemoaning the work they didn't get done. I'm usually the first and the loudest, but I'm never the only one. None of us looks (or is it look? I'm too tired to care right now) forward to grading a huge stack of papers. Some are better than others at actually doing it, however. I hate those people. I'm not simply jealous of them like I am the blogging gods; I truly can't stand the little show-offs. Okay, maybe I am a little jealous. I always have the best intentions, just not the strength to follow through. And now the deadline is hanging over me like a storm cloud ready to break. The good news is, I've put some of these papers off so long, that a few students have withdrawn, so now I don't have to grade their papers. But I do have to grade the rest. Right after I watch this episode of M*A*S*H.