File under: I Hate My Job

I worked so hard to get my teaching certificate. I thought hundreds of times that I wasn't cut out for it. I savored the tiniest victories during student teaching. I worried and worried that I would never find a job. I rejoiced when I was finally offered a position, even though it was at a middle school instead of a high school. I thought I could handle it since I had enjoyed the middle-schoolers I taught during one of my field experiences.

I was wrong.

I hate this school; I hate some of these kids; I hate the commute; I hate the time it takes away from my son; I hate that I spend so much time worrying about the job I'm doing and remembering how horrible the kids are that I can't even fully enjoy my time away from that place.

To be fair, I should say that some of the kids are great. In fact, it's really only a handful that I can't stand. Most of them are thoughtful, considerate, responsible, funny, and concerned about their grades. But a few are absolutely horrible excuses for human beings. They are despicable. They are nasty. They are obnoxious. They are gross. They have no regard for authority. They have no sense of common decency. They have no consideration for other people's property.

One of those little shits stole my cell phone the other day. Intellectually, I know it's just a phone, but I can't help feeling violated. I'm absolutely lost without it - it was my lifeline. It wasn't just a cell phone, it was my home phone, too. We got rid of our land line a couple of years ago. Which means that if my husband isn't home with his cell, there's no phone in the house except for his work phone. Which I've been instructed not to use to call certain people in case his bosses see that he's calling areas that aren't in his sales territory and assume he's making personal calls on the company dime. And it wasn't just a phone. It was my security - I live about thirty miles from where I work, and I drive an almost 10 year old car. If something happens, I need to be able to call someone. Plus, it had numbers that I never wrote down anywhere else. It had text messages that were very private. And, most upsetting to me of all, it had pictures of my son that I can't re-create and that I hadn't yet downloaded. So the pictures I took of him being named the Homecoming King of his Pee-Wee football team, and the pictures of him at Sesame Street Live are gone forever.

This just tops off all the stress I feel at this job. I'm at a school that hasn't met AYP for a couple of years, so they're really in the hot seat this year. If they don't meet it this year, it's bad news. So we have all these meetings where they tell us more and more stuff we have to do to improve test scores and a bunch of other crap. We don't have any time to plan or grade papers because of all the meetings. Most of the time I feel like I don't have time to teach, either, because I spend half the class telling kids over and over again to sit down, be quiet, and get to work. I have students asking how they can get in other classes in order to get away from the trouble-makers. One girl asked me this after only two days in the class! The administration said I could move some kids around to other sections, but I have a feeling that it would only make some of the good classes take a turn for the worse. And I'd rather not spread the headaches around. It's already more than I can take.

I feel anger towards the parents of these little shits for not teaching them right from wrong in the first place. I feel like I'm drowning in my job, and I can't pull myself up to the surface to get my head above the water. There's so much crap we have to do in order to prove we're trying to teach these little assholes something. Another teacher and I were saying we could just break down and bawl right now. All the BS and CYA we have to put up with on top of dealing with the Future Felons of America is just too much. I may start sending out my resume before the holidays. If I can get some interviews in early on and secure something, maybe that will make the rest of the year more bearable. I desperately hope to be in a high school in my own county next year. I swear, if leaving this job before my contract was up wasn't considered job abandonment by the certification board, I'd hand in my notice tomorrow and apply at McDonald's. I hear they have great benefits.