The Finish Line

I can almost see it. It's not that far ahead now. A little over a year and a half ago it seemed like I would never approach it. But I'm oh, so very close now. My student teaching gig is almost over and graduation is a month and a day away. Yeeha!

It started off kind of rocky. I felt like the kids absolutely hated me and had no respect for me. I must admit, they did walk all over me for the first few weeks. But then I found my voice. I used it at top decibel level a couple of times, and things turned around. Now I think only a few of them hate me, one or two have zero respect, and several may even think I'm okay. I totally lucked out in this field experience. I got an awesome mentor teacher with endless resources, patience, advice, and humor. And most of the students are really great kids. There are even a few who care a great deal about their grades and their futures. Most don't think beyond what they'll be doing after school each day, much less what they'll do after they graduate. (For some of them, IF they graduate.) But I have come to look forward to seeing them and hearing what they think throughout the day. There are some terrific personalities in my classes and I will miss them. These are good kids who are figuring out who they are and what their way in the world will be. It's exciting to watch that happen. I only wish I'd been a better teacher for them.

I don't think I completely sucked (not the whole semester, anyway), but I'm new at this and have very little experience. I know I could have made Julius Caesar more interesting and more relevant to their lives. I know I could have helped them be better writers. I know I could have made more of them stay awake during class. I know that if I had them ten years from now, they would have had a much more rewarding experience in my class. At least I hope so. I'd like to think I'm going to be a great teacher. I'd like to think this is what I'm meant to do. (Especially since my first degree took me nowhere, and if I fail at this my husband and mother are going to absolutely kill me.) I'm more confident now than I was back in January. But I still have moments where self-doubt floods over me and paralyzes me with fear. At least this part of the ride is almost over.